Backing Down

 

When we first moved to Arkansas, the first garden went in pretty much by my own hand.  Al was in VA, with a few trips back here off and on until he was able to leave VA for good.  

The main garden, originally started by the previous owner, didn't do well at all.  I faced a lot of trials that ranged from rain washing things down the hill, plants being swallowed up by weeds, and humans absconding with my whole tomato crop.  I expanded my garden with raised beds closer to the house. While they did a little better, they still took a lot of work for a little produce.  The work I put into the gardens aggravated a wrist injury (from our move) and often caused issues with my lower back and shoulders, but I pressed on.  By the end of the year, my wrist had healed (it took over half a year). 

Last  year, I worked hard again, expanding gardens and trying to get the upper hand on the impact the weather had on the garden as well as the effects of horribly rocky soil. I didn't fair much better. 

This year, I was determined!  I expanded the gardens again and worked hard.  Unfortunately, I injured my shoulder in April while digging this ridiculous ground to plant seeds. So far it hasn't gotten better.  And despite my chiropractor's optimism that it will get better, I don't think I have the faith to believe that.  The pain I am in every single day doing simple tasks like tying an apron on, lifting things, folding clothes, or sitting up in bed, only leads me to a feeling of hopelessness.  

Then I injured my right elbow a month or so ago using a weed eater to clean up the garden.  This has now only compounded my inability to do those things I enjoy doing, or that need doing.  Even my basic chores hurt to complete! 

The main garden has been a huge thorn in my side with the increased weed and grass pressure that has choked me out of the garden.  And because of the poor state of the garden, the chiggers have taken over.  I can't go in for anything without a few more bites dotting my ankles or my abdomen.  We put a lot of sweat into putting the cattle panels up, but today I resigned from gardening a big garden.  

I told Al that I want ripping it all out and that I want to turn it into another pasture for the sheep. As much as it pains me to tear out all the t-posts and cattle panels, pull out all the raised beds and railroad timbers, drag every single rock from the garden boundaries and throw them along the creek bed, and level the soil and compost, it is time to let go of that dream. 

Truth, I just can't do it any more and certainly not alone.  I love gardening, but at some point I have to say, "Enough!" and walk away. 

I have time before spring to figure out what my gardening plans are.  For now, I will focus on expanding my raised bed garden out front.  The chickens have prepped a new area quite well.  The raised beds from the main garden will be brought over and eventually set up to grown more food closer to the house.  

I have learned this year that growing a bunch of foods the kids don't like is foolishness. There is no point in taking up valuable garden space to grow things only one or two people will eat.  So there will be changes in what is grown as well as how much is grown.  

While I don't have much hope my shoulder will ever feel better, I haven't given it up altogether, either.  I will patiently wait to see if the Father will allow healing like he did my wrist.  My chiropractor said to wait and see before deciding if we need any outside treatment.  I still have 11 more therapy visits left before treatment is over. 

And there you have it...